Chapter Twenty-Three - "Help Me --- I'm Tired Of Feeling Bad"
The Attitude Which Shapes the Therapy Key THE BARRIER PARADOX OF INTENT
We may apply all that we have learned and still not be admitted to deep insight. One last key remains and that is the key of attitude.
There is a puzzle which lies inside the attitude we bring to our therapy work. This puzzle has formed a barrier to all wisdom work down through the ages of humankind. This barrier paradox could be called the BARRIER PARADOX OF INTENT. It springs into existence the moment we attempt any work of enlightenment, whether it be in the area of psychotherapy or in the area of spiritual enlightenment itself. The barrier of this paradox of intent is that we must reconcile the following opposites. While striving with intensity to do our inner work we must, at the very same time, let go and relax. There are several reasons why this paradox springs into existence.
Conscious awareness can only focus on one thing at a time. We cannot force holistic insights to come to us. We can only hope to receive them. Insights come as gifts. We do not create them. All that we can create are the circumstances within ourselves which open us to be receivers of wisdom information (insight beyond egocentric need). The actual gift, the insight itself, we cannot cause to come into our consciousness. This is beyond us. For this reason, one side of the BARRIER PARADOX OF INTENT must have the quality of letting-go to openness. Without it, the thousand tiny gates of the mind will not swing free.
Perhaps fortunately for humankind, the gifts of real wisdom insight cannot be forced into existence by manipulation. If they could be, arch manipulators would be able to use deep wisdom against us all. In fact, deep wisdom is an intrinsic neutralizer of manipulation. It unclenches the manipulative attitude the moment it appears.
On the other side of the BARRIER PARADOX OF INTENT, it is clear that, if we make no real effort toward an inward search, we will probably receive no gifts of insight. Intensity and dedication, therefore, must be profoundly present. There must be intensity both in the pursuit of feelings and in the actual experiencing of feelings. In addition, there must also be extraordinary intensity of concentration and meticulous application of each technique we are learning. The entire journey, therefore, on this side of the barrier paradox is a matter of intense striving and focus. We can now see that this paradox involves the combining of an intense striving with a profound letting-go.
The Solution to the Barrier Paradox of Intent
The dissolving of this barrier-dilemma lies in the cultivation of a special attitude.
This new attitude is called humility. True humility works hard and lives in hope but lays aside selfish expectation. True humility is a high level of intent without greediness for reward, without the grasping selfishness of the manipulator who enters growth work with the idea of directly and immediately forcing open the doors of the mind for the purpose of increasing his or her personal power.
To solve the problem, then, of intense application coupled with relaxed letting go, we must give our brain a message which will allow it to develop this attitude. We can help ourselves by pondering on the difficulty of our barrier paradox (striving and letting go) between periods of intense work. Thus, now and then in our daily life, we can dwell on the problem and give ourselves the message to cultivate an attitude of relaxation in the centre of our intense work.
Our messages to the unconscious about attitude will be drawn down and into the deep self. Over a period of time they will become an Immaculate Key to the IMMACULATE PROCESSES OF HOLISTIC INSIGHT. This is a rare occasion when we can directly strive to create an Immaculate Process (the attitude of true humility). It is rather like giving the brain a post-hypnotic suggestion, or like telling ourselves, across a period of time, that we want to remember our dreams. The unconscious hears us, and eventually gives us what we need.
In addition, as we begin to experience the rewards of relaxation and deeper insight, we come to know more intimately that although we can arrange the work of growth, the insights themselves are a gift. With this knowing comes the relaxation within our striving which furthers our growth.
The more we work at all this, the more we come to see. The more we come to see, the more faith we have in the principles of our therapy. This upward spiral of knowing is a long, slow experience of awakening; a kind of slow motion psychobiological SATORI. It occurs in sudden small awarenesses which enhance and inform our growing organic and balanced awareness. These leaps of growth, small or large as the case may be, seem comparable to the quantum leaps of energy in subatomic physics.
Now we can see the resolution to the puzzle of the BARRIER PARADOX OF INTENT. It lies inside our attitude toward growth. We strive to do our actual exercises with intensity and extreme care, while at the same time realizing that we are helpless to give ourselves insights. Thus we endure, do our work, and wait with patience and openness. Now the thousand tiny gates start to swing to our new touch.
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